More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
