he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
