Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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