Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize