someone owes me an orgasm
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The power of my boobs compel you
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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