Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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