He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
