Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
