The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
