I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
