Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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