worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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