please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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