so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
