fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
