YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
