Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
