U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
