the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
