True but thats because hes a fetus.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
pray to the hookup gods
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
