well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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