the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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