im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
