i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I forget how to act sober
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
