it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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