Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
