I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
