At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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