trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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