He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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