Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
