remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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