I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize