If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I look better un-naked...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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