i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
