forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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