how can u be prego again
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
