I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
