does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
