is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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