Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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