2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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