You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I met the friendliest cop last night
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize