you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We need to get me chipped asap
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
