Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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