just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
