How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You have to summon your inner elephant
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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