My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
