got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
