Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
