three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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