Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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