I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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