i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
