I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
