bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
