I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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