They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
