Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
