i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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