Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
