I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
