yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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