Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All I want is dick and wine.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
