dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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