last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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